This man Aleksander Ceferin. He seems to be doing everything right. Since the election which named him UEFA President, the basically unknown Slovenian has been saying and doing seemingly everything correctly. Speaking out against the monopolization of the Champions League by the ECA? Check. Willing to discuss a salary cap in European football to support the growth of smaller clubs from smaller countries? You betcha. Taking the MOST OBVIOUS PR decision of joining Common Goal? You bet your sweet ass. Listen, I don't know the guy personally and was in the beginning thought of as a patsy for the FIFA President and former general secretary of UEFA, Gianni Infantino. But for a sport that faces more daily criticism regarding ethics, greed, transparency than probably any sport in the world, joining Common Goal by donating 1% of your salary to charity was by far the easiest way to exclude yourself from the standard football narrative. I don't know the exact number but lets say Alek is making roughly the same ballpark as his FIFA counterparts in making about 1 million francs a year. He just spent 10,000 CHF in:
1) doing the right thing in donating to a football charity
2) building up more and more armour and leeway for anything that comes his way during the rest of his term as president.
This was as much a good person move as it was a safety net JIC he needs it. It is brilliant and I applaud the move.
Now, how not a single soul in FIFA from the President to the Secretary General to the Communications team did not see this as an available move is stunning to me. For an organization that has continually been backtracking for the past three years, this was a move that would have taken a bit off the heat off. Just for a few days but a break is a break. Hey FIFA, one of your biggest events is in two days. The global press will be in Russia to see who will be playing who for your LARGEST tournament. How about tie this in? Get some shine?
Gianni, any comment about FIFA being outmaneuvered by UEFA for the 60th straight year?
BREAKING: Latest reports from the FIFA Organising Committee suggest Qatar will take Peru's place in the 2018 FIFA World Cup if disqualified. The 2022 Hosts will likely be in pot 4.
Buckle up ladies and gents, its #ConspiracySZN in soccer. For most major soccer tournaments around the world, there comes this magical time in which one aspect of the event, the host, a team, a player, is called into question and is at risk for disqualification. We are currently seeing this happen with the hosting of the 2022 World Cup in Qatar and the bots that are trying to push damaging news to have the tournament removed from the country. We saw it in the build up to the 2010 World Cup in which Thierry Henry took a pass from the endline, took a dribble, and a Eurostep before eliminating Ireland from the playoffs.
Should France be removed from the event? Should Ireland go? Should another country go?
The 2018 World Cup now has its case in whether Peru should be able to go to the World Cup when they are found to be in violation of a FIFA regulation. The regulation and punishment are not important. Peru will go to the World Cup. Nothing will change. Yet, hearing the arguments on who would go in their place is downright hysterical. The articles are making the rounds on the internet now. "Should Italy take their place?" "Chile deserves to go..." and so on. In what planet would either of these two teams deserve to go to the World Cup. They failed to qualify just like the rest of the 180+ other countries around the world. There is hardly a mention of New Zealand to qualify in their place even though they were Peru's opponent in the intercontinental playoffs?
I'm sorry IsItSnowin, but the US, Italy, Chile, nor Kiwis will be playing in the World Cup. I would love to see how far this goes. The latest rumors are that Qatar will qualify in Peru's place due to them hosting the next World Cup. See its that easy. I just did it. Now it's really #ConspiracySZN. QATAR TO THE WORLD CUP 2018!!!!
In all honesty, FIFA needs to rewrite this regulation that says "The Organising Committee for the event gets to CHOOSE who will replace a disqualified member." In what world does that help anyone? Set up some sort of chain of command for this type of decision. Don't just leave it up to a group of soccer officials with an overinflated sense of self-worth and importance. Come on FIFA. One time for me.
It all started three years ago on a sunny Swiss dawn on the banks of the Zurichsee. Baur au Lac, the unofficial official palace of world soccer, a safe haven for corruption, a celebratory respite from the arduous all expenses paid first class flight for the "untouchables" of global soccer gathering at the home of the sport. In this one morning, FIFA and its constituents lost any of the credibility that it had left with the arrest of over 20 of its members for racketeering, money laundering, and so on. You name it and they did it. Now displaced from the protection of their homelands, three of the arrested are sitting in a NYC courtroom with the same apparent smugness that led them to the very seat they occupy today. What has transpired in the courtroom in the short time this trial has been active can only be described as grandiose even for Hollywood. I am glad the trial is not getting much play outside the diehard soccer community because well it's becoming a shitty episode of Law and Order. It's a terrible look for the sport and all that love it. Yet, the FIFA trial is somehow managing to add its own unique flair in that its ramifications are being felt in a very real way in and outside of the courtroom.
The main witness in the case is an Argentinian businessman who took a plea deal based off his involvement in the bribery and laundering throughout the years. This man is fucked. No two ways about it. His life and probably the lives of his family, friends, neighbors will never be the same. He is ratting on some of the most powerful businessmen in South America. We've already had a nice glimpse into this man's future within the first week of the trial. Former Peruvian soccer official Manuel Burga is currently being accused of intimidating a witness after making TWO throat cutting gestures at the witness during his testimony. His lawyer claims that his skin condition on his throat forces him to make gestures to his neck area to manage the discomfort. Get this man a bottle of Lubriderm or put the witnesses family in protection stat because you don't come back from a throat cut motion. Once you go full throat cut, you are basically forced into action. Just ask my man the Undertaker.
You don't go 18-1 in Wrestlemania without backing up your throat cuts. Now imagine being up there on the stand and seeing this not once but TWICE. On the second throat cut, the witness just started crying. CRYING. A grown man crying in a courtroom just knowing what all this means. I do have to say though that this witness really has brass ones staying up there knowing each word is putting men like Burga further and further into a US jail cell and his livelihood more and more into question.
Now, you are thinking to yourself. How could this get any more interesting? It's just a court case for crying out loud. Well reader, one innocuous throwaway line from our friend Mr. Witness seems to be the reason why an Argentine lawyer committed suicide last week. He makes a mere situational reference to Argentina's "Football for All" program association to bribery and boom a man with a family ends up throwing up the deuces to the world hara kari style. He pulls a Pablo Escobar (shout out Narcos) and says I'd rather die in my country then rot in a US jail. HE WASN'T EVEN IMPLICATED IN THE CASE!
So this now puts us at two throat cuts and one suicide. Where to next? Let's go with murder for $500, Alex.
This trail is barely a week old. We now have the mobster trifecta in that a potential murder may be tied to the wide-reaching and sinister spider-web that is the FIFA trail. This past week a VP of one of the implicated companies for handing out bribes was found shot dead on a Mexico City street. Now, as the BBC put it, they do not know if there is any connection of this death to the trial. Could it have been a robbery gone wrong in Mexico City where they have one of the highest ratio of cops to citizens (shout out Wikipedia) in the world because of all the crime? Sure. Would you be surprised if this murder was very much tied to the corruption charges being heard against very powerful South American businessmen? Exactly.
At what point three years ago would anyone think that a court case involving soccer officials responsible for over hundreds of millions of dollars in bribes being tried in the historically soccer mad country of the US of A while people are suspiciously dropping dead around the Americas? None people. That's how many. None. I don't even know if that sentence makes any sense because I still struggle to wrap my head around the calamity that is the FIFA trial. You also have to realize that this is the trial for only 3 of the 20 odd people involved. We've had some plead guilty already but still have a handful of these bastions of morality off praying that extradition won't get them.
The whole thing is extraordinarily surreal. It has ceased to be purely comedic in nature, which is a shame. We got people dying because of this garbage. It's not to throw away what these guys have done in the past. They acted criminally and should be punished but by no means should we have dead bodies over soccer. It's a sport. That's it. It's not life or death like some people would force you to believe. I honestly hope all that committed illegal acts will go to jail. I also hope that this trial delivers more hilarious storylines but let's take it down a notch fellas. Light and amusing not sick and morbid.
PS.
We still have mountains of people roaming around free from this trial. We have Sepp Blatter living within 5 miles of the FIFA offices still asking for invites to FIFA events. This trial is scratching the surface of what there is to come. We are on the American leg of the case and god willing we see a swift move over to Europe with the likes of Valke, Blatter, Platini in front of the fire.
PPS.
The only thing that would make this whole case more intriguing would be the re-introduction of our good pal, Jack Warner. Even in the face of his long time friend Uncle Sepp back in Zurich, Jack Warner was probably the most delusional, enigmatic, and unintentionally humorous aspect of the FIFA fallout. Gentleman Jack is still sitting in Trinidad developing his Youtube Channel, stealing the Inception music, switching camera angles like a boss.
while politely refusing to spit on reporters
and building the brand "Jack Warner TV"
We need our man back in front of the camera. He is charisma personified spitting hot fire from his green screen in Trinidad. I need more Jack and I need it now.
I don't know why I found this video so hilarious but I can't stop watching. I've got tears in my eyes as two professional footballers are PERPLEXED by a subjective rating from a video game. Staring off and questioning some junior Comms member of the FA why EA messed up so badly. Also, I am a sucker for the british accent. You could say anything you like, calling me ugly, saying my mom is fat, or telling me my life in shambles, but if said in a proper british accent, I'll just laugh right along. "His pace is 76? His pace should be in the 90s bruv". That line alone had me rolling on the floor. Seeing this side of professional athletes is always the best. Yea, you may see Sterling take a dive every once in awhile or Sturridge pull up with a pulled hamstring every, well, match but having two friends shoot the shit like this is some of the best unintentional comedy out there.
Also, 76 is low for Daniel Sturridge. You have to think that the boys over at EA just haven't seen him play in the past two years so they had a guess at it. I wish I could break down every player's FIFA ratings with them just to see their reactions.
PS.
I will now be responding to every insult with what Daniel Sturridge went with.
"That's an insult to my credibility, to my integrity, my name.... nah I'm not havin' that"
"Sir, I just said you couldn't have any more alcohol. You've had enough and your british accent stinks out loud."
I saw this video making its way around the internet after Asensio's goal against Las Palmas. As much as I love Ray Hudson, his stick really only works for like three players. Messi, Ronaldo, and Neymar. If you watch that video, there is a distinct guttural sentiment that is missing from the English speaking commentary as compared to the Portuguese or Spanish that was in there. They have cornered the GOOOOOOOOL market. Fair play to them. They were the first movers and now own that beach front real estate in perpetuity. It made me think two things: 1) we need more goals like this in US Soccer. MLS, USL, NWSL, NASL or whathaveyou. We need this. 2) US commentators needs some sort of catchphrase. We need to spice it up a bit. Listening to Phil Schoen is kind of blah. Great announcer but we just need more. Something that's ours.
Now, I know what everyone is thinking. We tried Gus Johnson and he was worse than Chris Wondolowski in front of an open net. We need to be insular and come up with this in the soccer community. Every Giovinco goal, Sydney Leroux piledriver, etc having something uniquely ours calling the action. It's all about branding people. We need to raise the profile and its starts in the commentary booth.
The first catchphrase I thought off comes from outside of soccer and from our friends on the ice. "Well Johnny, didn't you just say it has to come from the soccer community?" Yes, yes I did. To be honest, had a short lapse of memory there after thinking about a great Doc Emerick call. Sue me. Anyways. Hearing Doc Emrick with a solid playoff hockey "HE SHOTS, HE SCORES!" with his voice squeaking like a pubescent teenager is all time. It gets the hair on the back of your neck standing up whether you like hockey or not. Its simple and its unique. We need this for our game.
I don't have the answer to what this catchphrase should be. Watch the goal below and go with your instinct. Yell whatever comes to mind. Let's workshop here. I think this would be a massive step in building the brand.
The Monday Man. Brightening the worst day of week for ages. Will I stoop to the level of a corny pun to say how he woke up on the wrong side of the bed this day? No I won't. I made a promise to never be punny and that is one promise I vow to keep no matter what side of the bed I wake up on each day. I digress.
You have to feel bad for our guy Patrice here. Should you kick a fan in the face? Probably not. As I know my friend Patrice is a student of history, he should have seen the past precedent that kicking a fan is, in fact, a bad thing. see also: Cantona.
Let's keep the feet on the ground Patrice. Whether it be on a football or on the dancefloor, feet belong on the ground not on people's faces.
Now that we are over that. I have a serious problem with Evra getting a red card BEFORE THE MATCH even kicked off. I know there are rules and that rules should be followed, but you shouldn't have to face a sporting punishment based on something done outside the 90 minutes (95 minutes if you played for Sir Alex Ferguson.) Where does the referee get off being the policeman of the pitch banning a player before a match?! Before a match, a referee is just a woman or man like you and I. They are lawyers, doctors, shopkeepers that enjoy the beautiful game. Inside the lines, they are the judge and jury as they should be. Outside those lines, they should have ZERO power. I never understood how FIFA, leagues, and hell players even allow this to happen. I am sure there is some safety precedent that I am willfully forgetting but I have no intention to change my opinion on this matter. Plus, I think it would be worse punishment for our dancing and singing friend if he had to play the 90 minutes in front of the supporters he chose to kick at. Make it real gladiator type stuff.
These referees can GTFO with pregame or postgame red cards. Get off your power trip and stick to the 90 minutes you try to manage. Let's all stay in are lanes here.
Patrice Evra (any footballer): No kicking fans pre-match especially your own.
Referees: No cards before the whistle blows.
Me: No puns.
Now that's all clear, back to dancing Evra. This dude is just trying to live his best life and I am here for that. I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THIS GAME!
Well. A month or so has passed since American soccer hearts were ripped from their chest. The next international break is upon us and what do we do now? International breaks are the family dinners you are forced to attend. You have the drunk uncles clammering on about how things were better in his day and your kid cousin talking about how hard Algebra has been this semester yet you still have the free food and beer so it kind of comes out in the wash. You don't really want to watch an under 23 US side play Portugal without Ronaldo next week but you will because well it's something. As a neutral, this international break will have a lot to take in and enjoy. Sit back and watch Australia squirm in the caldron of the Metropolitano in Honduras. Pretend you are from the old country and mutter in your best irish or italian accent as the tricolors attempt to bust through to Russia.
In the midst of the madness of the US qualification disaster, some would have missed the utter chaos on display in the last round. Countries qualifying on last kicks of the ball, fans crying knowing they will see their country on the grandest stages of them all for the first time in decades. This international break has the potential to elicit the same level of excitement and pandemonium we missed a month ago. Forget your misery of a struggling Everton. Erase the pain of a potential Man City invincibles. Stop dreaming of a side other than Juve winning the Scudetto. Enjoy this man trying to will his countrymen and team to the World Cup he so gracefully abandoned 15 years on.
Although you may have no rooting interest this week, get on your hands and knees and hope for a shadow of the excitement caused last break. International football is hardly appointment TV but once in a blue moon it delivers.
