Wednesday, October 11, 2017

US Men's Soccer. What's Next?




Welp. What was once thought an impossible outcome has come to pass. US Men's Soccer will not be at this summer's World Cup. I don't have the historical knowledge to make the claim that yesterday was the worst result in US Soccer history but since that seems to be the common theme, let's go with it. Rock bottom. Doomsday has occurred. Where to next? People are coming from all angles questioning the impact on many facets of US Soccer from the future of the sport to development to financial impact. No one really knows, especially at this point, how yesterday's loss will affect US Soccer in the short, medium, and long-term. We have people calling to blow up US Soccer while other are steadfast in the current direction of the sport. In the face of all the arguments being presented, I've constantly found myself with a more conservative lean which even I found surprising. Everyone take a deep breath and let's look at this logically. Point by point. Grab seat. We could be here a while. 

What level of impact should 10 qualification matches over almost two years have on how we run the sport? 

Listen. We should not lose to Trinidad. We should not collect three points from five away matches. We should be in the World Cup. But we aren't. The sample size of matches is not large enough to mandate an atomic bomb be dropped on US Soccer. International soccer is much different from club football. If you get catch a bad run in club football, you have time and various competitions to salvage results. World Cup qualifying is as cut and dry as possible. You don't perform and you sit your ass down for two years to think about getting ready for the next cycle. It's drastic. This qualification round, the United States had poor to mediocre group performances mixed in with costly individual nightmares. Those individual nightmares can cost you matches and that's what happened. You mix that in with overall mediocrity and you don't qualify. That's it. There will be a lot of players who don't make it back from this and that should be the case. They shouldn't have been put in this position in the first place. All players had bad moments including Pulisic, Bradley, etc but Graham Zusi should not be wearing a US kit in 2016, let alone 2017. Clint Dempsey ran his race. It was run a few years ago. DaMarcus Beasley was a key member of this squad for a large stretch of qualification for crying out loud. That's not good enough. BUT this was ten matches many of which with questionable tactics and player selection. A few key injuries along the way helped to arrive to where we are now. A bunch of seemingly small and inconsequential errors compounded during this qualification to produce this outcome. Fixing these small match errors is only one focus of what needs to be changed though. Players were and will be questioned but so were the managers..

Jurgen Klinsmann? Bruce Arena 2.0? The US manager. Who should it be and does it really matter? 

I don't think the manager of the US national team is that important. That's just what I believe. We have seen examples of the most experience managers struggling. We have seen inexperienced managers thrive and make a name. We've seen the opposite of both. Should the next coach be American? Don't care. Should the US Soccer manager be involved in the technical direction of the federation? Probably not. Let's find a manager that can come in just manager the team. That's it. Let's make this as simple as possible. Whether its David Wagner, Caleb Porter, or Jose Mourinho, understand that this will have a marginal impact on the results of our national team at best. 

Get the top 50 candidates and pick out of a hat. It will produce as good of a result as any. 

Player development and how this result impacts future players?

It won't. That's it. If you were a soccer player, you will remain a soccer player. Don't be stupid. Soccer in America at the youth level is the top played sport and will remain that way for the foreseeable future. Now, how we get the conversion from grassroots to youth to professionals firing on all cylinders is a different question. This is where people have to realize that the US is in its infancy especially in comparison to other nations. The MLS academy system and similar advanced programs are incredibly young in regards to organization and implementation of any plan. US Soccer and the MLS are doing great work to share knowledge and help create an environment where the MLS clubs and other top clubs in the country have the resources to focus intently on their youth academies to foster talent in the country. This will take time. Established academies around the world are 30+ years ahead of the US. This will not happen tomorrow but our clubs are getting stronger in financing and staffing their academies. The professionalization of the academy system will be one of the key factors in helping our men's national team produce better players year in and year out. 

Trust the process, Sam Hinkie style. 


How will this impact US Soccer financially? 

US Soccer will lose money. Although they have sponsors locked in over the long term, there will surely be doomsday clauses that reduce payment based off of this result. Bad. The federation will also lose prize money from not being in the World Cup proper. You are looking at a loss of anywhere from $1 mil to $15 mil based on your level of optimism on how the US would have done if it were in the tournament. Will this hurt a non-profit organization such as US Soccer? Sure. alittle. Will it be a death knell? No. Not by a longshot. 

What happens to US Soccer the organization? 

People are claiming for Sunil Gulati to be fired. Well, I am sorry to break it to those people but that is not possible. Unfortunately, he would have to be removed by a 2/3 vote by the board that he sits on and after a breach of the federation bylaws. Unfortunately for some, losing to Trinidad does not meet that requirement. Yet for the first time in his tenure, Sunil Gulati will not run unopposed for President in the next election. If we can take anything from FIFA elections of old, incumbents have a pretty solid chance of maintaining their position. Sunil, whether you like him or not, is a big swinging dick in world football. Sitting on the boards of both CONCACAF and FIFA and the lead organizer of the U17 FIFA Men's World Cup currently happening, he is almost undoubtedly in the protected class of world soccer. It would be a minor miracle to see him not as the president of US Soccer moving into the future ESPECIALLY since the vote for the allocation of the next World Cup will come in the next President's tenure. I saw Sunil work the room in Zurich during the Infantino presidential elections. His influence is undoubted. He will bring the event to the US and that's what we all would like, right? We wouldn't have to qualify for that one. 

What should happen next? 

I don't have the answer. You don't have the answer. US Soccer doesn't have the answer. MLS doesn't have the answer. Everyone has their own opinion on it and all will problem have some aspects of validity. What needs to happen is that US Soccer, MLS, USL, NASL, US Soccer beat writers, and any other person that may have an interest in seeing the US Men's national team get better have to get in a room and talk. Talk for days, weeks, months, years. Figure this shit out as a group. Define all of the interest for all stakeholders and develop a plan to make sure this doesn't happen again. Everyone will point to Germany and what they did in the late 90's and early 2000s. Copy it. Take the best parts. Leave the worst parts. Create parts for America. There should not be a single group left out of this. This is how we fix this or at least put the best foot forward to do so. 

There it is. That's all I got. Bring on Qatar. Bring on the Gold Cup. Bring on the U17s. We will be back. Big countries have missed major tournaments before. It's now happened to us in the modern era. Let's pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move forward. 


     

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

US Soccer in must win match tonight. Especially after allowing this video from their practice in Trinidad to surface



The US Men's National team have not missed a World Cup in a very very long time. This year we have seen giants of the global game like Argentina and the Netherlands struggle to make or completely miss the next World Cup in Russia. Now with one match to play against struggling Tabagoners from Trinidad, the US can push aside a rough qualification and cement its spot in Russia next summer. A lot of work will need to be done in the meantime if they do qualify and hopefully a few players catch fire heading into the tournament to give the country a fighting chance of exceeding any minimal expectation the team might have. The US should do the job today. It won't be pretty and it will most likely be frustrating as all hell tonight but with the permutations on the table, the US will claim their spot. 

This will likely spark a massive interest from most Americans regardless if you've watched a match since that heart wrenching night against Belgium in 2014. Thanks Wando. People don't forget. 


It will be great even for just three or so games to have the eyes of the country on the Yanks as they try to maraud through Russia and most likely a group of death. The bars will be full and the songs will be sung. The haters of the sport, of which there are many, will watch but still be there to point out the flaws of the sport or how it will never make it in America. From the fledgling to the die-hard fans of the sport, it will be a month that will capture your imagination and even convert some to the beautiful game. Come one, come all. The more the merrier.

What we don't need though is for the following video to make it into the mainstream. 



Not now, not ever. It the anti-soccer stereotype brought to life. 11 seconds can ruin the momentum that soccer has on its side in this country. Rick Pitino couldn't even kill his legacy that quickly. Talking premature ejaculation, folks. Players being carried over what looks to be a giant puddle to the training pitch is something that any soccer hater will have burnt into their memory. More than any dive, or fake injury, or 0-0 result.

For the love of God and all things soccer, lets get this video off the internet so it doesn't come back to bite us. We need a win tonight not the negative juju that this sort of event can cast around a group of 11 men trying to get to the world's biggest stage.

Take us to the promised land, Pulisic. Just hopefully not by piggyback across 8 inches of water. 

Friday, October 6, 2017

Fan throws paper plane from the stands into the England net. Much more impressive than England qualifying for the World Cup.



England have qualified for the World Cup with a match to play. Job done for the three lions but the group they qualified from was never going to give them any pressure. The vibe surrounding the team is not at an all time high as they were never really that impressive during the qualification round. Now as the book Soccernomics lays out regardless of how well England do in qualifying, it has ABSOLUTELY no bearing on how they will perform in the tournament. Bad Qualifying does not mean bad Tournament, just like Good Qualifying means Good tournament (as we saw in Brazil). The World Cup is largely determined by the draw. So unless England get the Sepp Blatter "hot and cold" draw ball treatment, they will underperform in the eyes of their country. Will England win the World Cup this summer? I would bet heavily against it. In the same Soccernomics, the authors lay out, in one of the most wild titles a book has ever had, the predicted outcome of England in World Cups and one I believe will hold true.



England won their sole World Cup on its own grounds and thanks to some pretty "lenient" refereeing decisions. Odds are, this will be the only World Cup they win in these next 100 years.

BUT. If they locate and incorporate PaperPlane person into the setup of the squad, I'd fancy a bet on the three lions this summer. This person is clearly an expert in design and creativity. If you have ever made and thrown a paper plane further than 10 ft, you're just an asshole liar. Making a paper plane travel the length from the Wembley stands to the back of the England net is nothing short of prodigious. He can help design an England squad that can actually play with rhythm and direction that they are clearly lacking now. Paperplane person is the magic that this England squad need in the run up to the World Cup. If the FA does not get this person involved in the World Cup runup, it would be a disastrous mistake. And that's coming from the people that were involved in















AND

 luis suarez three lions roy hodgson england national team GIF

PS. If you make your paper airplanes any different than this design, you're an asshole.



No need to be a try hard with one of these bougie designs. If you did this, you can GTFO.

 or   

Thursday, October 5, 2017

The 7th Circle of Hell aka being stuck chasing in a small sided game in France Training



I don't think I would wish this on my worst enemy. Chasing and chasing and chasing trying to break up play in training against a squad that looks like this:

Goalkeepers: Alphonse Areola (PSG), Hugo Lloris (Spurs), Steve Mandanda (Marseille)
Defenders: Presnel Kimpembe (PSG), Laurent Koscielny (Arsenal), Djibril Sidibe (Monaco), Samuel Umtiti (Barcelona), Raphael Varane (Real Madrid), Christophe Jallet (Lyon), Lucas Digne (Barcelona), Layvin Kurzawa (PSG)
Midfielders: N'Golo Kante (Chelsea), Blaise Matuidi (Juventus), Paul Pogba (Manchester United), Adrien Rabiot (PSG), Corentin Tolisso (Bayern Munich), Thomas Lemar (Monaco)
Forwards: Olivier Giroud (Arsenal), Antoine Griezmann (Atletico Madrid), Alexandre Lacazette (Arsenal), Kylian Mbappe (Monaco), Florian Thauvin (Marseille), Nabil Fekir (Lyon), Kingsley Coman (Bayern Munich)

Fuck that noise. 

Instead of jail, punishment for all crimes should be this. Just this and the outcome for those in the middle will always be the same...

 tired GIF

The Guardian released its "Next Generation" of Young Football talents. Guess what, there are two Americans. Let's get excited.


As is tradition in US Soccer, the next big star or the face of Soccer is yearning to be named. Apparently, we will not make it as a soccer nation until we have a global superstar ala Messi or Ronaldo. Hell even a Higuain would do wonders for this country (as long it's a skinnier version than the current model). The Guardian has been doing a great job over the last few years identifying the top talent across the globe as their best guesses at the next wave of superstars in the sport. Fortunately enough, the US has had players on the list each of the past four years. Past US players on their lists have included Erik Palmer-Brown, Nick Taitague, and of course the current face of US Soccer, Christian Pulisic. Obviously, we've seen the incredible potential from the players on this list and even some dividends with Pulisic dominating the headlines for the National Team. Now, we have the next chosen ones and those players are: Andrew Carelton and Timothy Weah. They are both playing on the current U17 team in the World Cup in India so will have their chance to shine. This is a tournament that has put a bright light on its stars, including pizzaman Cesc Fabregas, Toni Kroos, and Jurgen Klinsmann's best friend Landon Donovan. 

Andrew Carleton is as homegrown of a player as homegrown players get. At the age of 16, he has already started for Atlanta FC and has been very confident in the MLS' ability to produce top quality talent for the national team and for the world stage. He has an outstanding goal record (20 g in 32 matches) for the youth national team and his professional experience will make him an interesting player to watch in India. For the MLS sake, I really hope he works out. The academy system in the country is still incredibly young and the more success stories the better for our clubs and attracting the top talent no matter where they are from. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have Timothy Weah. The last name should sound familiar to most even if you know it from Timothy's father who was a pretty solid player in his own right. 

 

Timothy is following in his father's doorsteps by banging in goals for PSG (academy) but differs in that he will be playing in the Stars and Bars. The pedigree is unmatched and if Timbo can produce half of what his father did in his career, we will have an absolute gem on our hands for the next few World Cup cycles. 

Now more than in the past, US Youth talent is moving to play in Europe at a very young age. Whether that is better or worse, I don't know. On one hand, keeping this talents away from the American spotlight and hounding search for the "face of American soccer" will be a good thing. Let them go to these academies that are well funded with the best talent in the world. Timothy can go play in Paris and will most likely not be heard from in the US news cycle until he makes his senior international debut. The more time for development the better in my eyes. On the other hand, the foreign based players will most likely face some sort of prejudice playing in Europe. Could they be sandbagged and sat until they show they are far and away better than their teammates because they are Americans? Sure. Could they also be found out talentwise, or lack thereof, much quicker? You bet your ass. Going over to Europe will put these players to the fire immediately and these young players will need a sturdy head on their shoulders to face that. 

For now American soccer fans, let's be incredibly happy that we have talent being recognized on the highest platforms. Let's also not expect these kids to be generational talents because we don't need them to be. Messi and Ronaldo show that even their level of talent on the national stage doesn't always produce the results you want as a country. 

PS. Its extraordinarily depressing that these next generation players were born in 2000. Just a real slap in the face from reality that old is old and man I am washed. 

Equatorial Guinea just can't stop, won't stop fielding ineligible players in FIFA Competitions


After every round of international matches, FIFA usually levies fines to some of its member nations. A frequent fine typically given is to Latin American countries of CONMEBOL and CONCACAF for the "Puto" chant. Its like clockwork. Games are hosted, months later the same fine handed out to pretty much the same countries. Clearly the perfect deterrent for such a crime. Yet this week, we saw FIFA levy a 100k fine and a tournament ban to tiny Equatorial Guinea. You hardly see countries banned from competitions entirely but that's exactly what happened to the Equatorial Guinea Women's National Team and the 2019 Women's World Cup after fielding 10 non-eligible players for the Rio Olympics qualifying. These 10 women were all from Brazil, who had their own side competing in the same competition. Fielding 22 women from the same country under two flags from different continents is very much frowned upon in the eyes of FIFA apparently. FIFA drops the hammer and the national squad is buried for the next cycle of the event. You may be asking yourself, "Why do I care about Equatorial Guinea Football, Johnny?" Well you probably shouldn't until you find out the country has been doing this and being fined basically for every tournament across the board over the past 10 years. They can't get enough of using players from different countries. They love it. 

Now the country we are talking about it is limited in terms of human resources. 

Location of  Equatorial Guinea  (dark blue)– in Africa  (light blue & dark grey)– in the African Union  (light blue)
















They've got one million people and occupy what seems to be .00000001% of the land in Africa. Creativity is needed to get their football side on the map. Their original plan of fielding foreign players doesn't seem so ridiculous. Would FIFA care about that tiny country and who they register? Can't imagine they are going through each roster with a fine tooth comb especially in regards to these African minnows. The problem for Equatorial Guinea is that they don't seem to have plan B. Plan A is not working but they are going route 1 until they get over the line. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, but kind of the exact the opposite. 

Einstein once said, continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. It may be harsh to say the federation in Equatorial Guinea is insane but Einstein was a smart guy so I won't be one to argue with him. On the other hand, some lazy guy once said snake it til you make it. I couldn't find the origin of that statement so this person MUST have been from Equatorial Guinea. The women's team has been fined before for similar violations and the men's team once had a game forfeited for not fielding a SINGLE play born in the country. Now there are rules that can allow that situation to be plausible but christ Guinea, let's mix in one huh? If you're Equatorial Guinea, you can't stop at this point either. They pushed all their chips to the middle of the table in running out Brazil 2.0. FIFA would never completely ban the entire federation. I mean hell, they took over the most bankrupt of bankrupt Greek federations and somehow lost them more money. Equatorial Guinea has enough oil money to pay off any FIFA fine so they are almost forced to keep having a go at this. Snake it until you make to the World Cup, you crazy motherfuckers.    

PS. It would behove you to know that Equatorial Guinea is the only African country with Spanish as an official language. So now you learned something today. It will probably come up on Jeopardy one day and you'll have no one but your boy to thank for impressing your boyfriend/girlfriend. You're welcome. 

Cesc Fabregas threw a slice of pizza at Sir Alex Ferguson.


Is throwing pizza in a fight a cowardly thing to do? Absolutely. Do I blame our young friend Cesc for doing so? Absolutely not. What I do blame him for is not taking the credit immediately and I believe that drastically and unknowingly changed the fortunes of Arsenal, effects we are still seeing to this very day. First off, I can't blame Cesc for throwing a pizza in the middle of a fight especially when that fight involved the likes of Sol Campbell and Martin Keown. Everyone has to know their weight class and luckily for Cesc, he knew that was not to be his fight. You also can't be an absolute coward and just sit on the sidelines as well. A good artist uses the tools that he has around him and for the young spaniard the pizza was the brush that painted his masterpiece. 

Where Cesc missed out on a lot of money and Arsenal missed on maintaining their legacy was not having him admit to throwing the pizza the moment after it happens. Arsenal are coming of the backs of being the invincibles.They will shortly go on to a very successful run to a Champions League final. The momentum was there to be pounced upon. Instead? They hide and refuse to be the villains chucking pizza at the throne like Donatello and Shredder. It cost them everything. They didn't realize then but the fall to mediocrity was upon them. 

 Just imagine the pizza based songs coming from the crowds, the merch that could have been sold, the spin off cartoons being made. Just imagine:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 
Heroes in a half shell North London
Turtle Gunner power!

They're the world's most fearsome fighting football team
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green red
When the evil Shredder Spurs attacks
These Turtle Gunner boys don't cut him them no slack!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Splinter Wenger taught them to be ninja teens a football team.
Leonardo Sol Campbell leads, Donatello Viera does machines
Raphael Keowan is cool but crude
Michaelangelo  Ashley Cole is a party dude

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half shell North London
Turtle Gunner power!

If that's not on the terraces by Sunday, I'll be shocked. You all can sort out the pun for Arsenal and the Turtles. I did my job

Arsenal would be rolling in the dough. For Cesc, he instantly becomes the new face of the club. The kid who lives and dies with pizza and the club. Before he was eventually sold back to Barcelona, Arsenal would have been FORCED to keep the pizza propelling prodigy at the club at any cost. Cesc stays with other stars joining and they are challenging for silverware to this day instead clawing at fourth place and the playoffs for the Champions League. 

That one decision has now seen Cesc join London rivals Chelsea with his former boss reduced to fighting for his job every season while fighting against his seemingly broken stadium jacket.  Can someone get the guy a function coat for crying out loud? He's been through enough already. Poor Arsene.

Arsene Wenger can't find his coat pocket

More of Arsene Wenger having trouble with his coat zip

Arsene Wenger can't zip up his coat, again

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

32 cities remain in the running to host the World Cup in the US (Mexico and Canada, kinda). Let's have a look at who is left.


 In 2026, these United States of America will be hosting the FIFA Men's World Cup. Not all the niceties have been sorted yet but it's going to happen. There is only one other bidder and I don't see Morocco having any sniff at hosting this event. So with that now out of the way. We now turn to which cities will be hosting this event. As a breakdown, the World Cup is typically hosted in 12 stadia across the host nation(s). Yet, the 2026 World Cup will be the first in the new expanded 48 team format. How much will that affect the number of host cities for the tournament is yet to be seen but I'd figure the number to be somewhere to be 12 at the absolute minimum and roughly 16 at the upper limit. The mandated guarantees that FIFA expects out of a host and its host cities is a long list which many few cities in the world can accommodate, let alone a group of cities of one country. But here we are. The cities left in contention are in the opening tweet and we have some interesting options.

As already stated by the Bid Committee for the US, Mexico, and Canada, our neighbors to the north and south will be hosting only a handful of matches leading up to the knockout rounds, leaving the business end of the tournament to the US.

When the US first hosted the event in 1994, the host cities looked as such:


The soccer landscape in the country has drastically changed in the past 23 years but there still remain stalwarts that hosted then and will host this go round. Those cities are LA and NY/NJ. I would argue that Dallas is just much of a lock but Metlife and the Rose Bowl will be played in.  Much like the final in 1994, I would bet my life that one of these two will the host of the opening match and/or the final. Next on the list of all most near locks are Dallas and Chicago. If you don't think they are playing in Jerry World then you are outside your mind. 100k people at World Cup ticket prices? Lock city. Next, Chicago is the home of the US Soccer federation so ipsofacto they will get matches. The most interesting of the '94 host cities to potentially be brought over is DC. The nation's capital and surrounding areas are a hotbed for US Soccer and oh yea, it's also the fucking capital. HOWEVER. The stadiums there are THE WORST. RFK was played in during the '94 World Cup. It will not exist in a few years. FedEx field is incredibly difficult to get to, the pitch they use for soccer matches is borderline criminal. DC United's new stadium set to open next year will only hold 20k, well short of the FIFA requirements. It pains me to think that the World Cup will be played in FedEx Field but I don't think there is any other choice. You can't not play in the capital. You just can't. This is how I see it shaking out. Please pardon my local geography as I couldn't care less what part of Georgia Atlanta is in or where Seattle is in Washington.


We've got: LA, SF, Seattle, Phoenix, Houston, Dallas, Orlando, Atlanta, DC, NY/NJ, Chicago, and Boston.

All of these places have brand new mega stadias thanks to the NFL or are legacy soccer cities in the country. Would I be surprised if Philly/Baltimore got one? No. Nashville, Minneapolis, Miami? All new or by that time new MLS cities. Sorry but nope. Won't happen. In order to pass FIFA requirements, Host Cities need massive, and hopefully preexisting, infrastrastructure including Hotels, Airports, Training Centers, etc. Those 12 above provide US Soccer and FIFA the easiest path to run this event while seeing various parts of the country. It's a win-win for everybody. Well except for the flyover states. But what's really out there anyways. Both coasts and all of the country's major cities covered. Ticks all the boxes especially when considering our Mexican and Canadian brethren. 

Switching to our latin friends and king of the FIFA fine:



The only real certainty is Mexico City. There will be games at the Azteca. Monster stadium with World Cup history. It's one of the most known grounds around the world. Lock it up for Mexico City. Guadalajara and Monterrey are both homes to massive clubs of  Liga MX but if I had to guess the remaining order of mexican hosts it would be Monterrey followed by Guadalajara based on proximity to the States and the other potential host sites.

Hold onto your butts Canada, the Men's World Cup is heading your way.

Barstool Sports  drink drinking canada GIF

Canada presents an interesting challenge to the organizers of the event. The canadian cities on the list excluding Edmonton have well supported MLS clubs. The question there is stadium size to meet the minimum FIFA requirements and proximity to the other host venues. If you have a subsection of host cities on the west coast, you'd have to think Vancouver would have a great chance. If in Montreal, you cover three of the four FIFA languages which I am sure will get a couple people back in Zurich all hot and bothered. Toronto is the OG of the Canadian MLS sides. Does that give them the edge? After hosting a quite successful Women's World Cup in 2015 and having that final in Vancouver, I'd give them the edge now with Toronto being the backup choice.

Well as we head towards the announcement most likely in 2019, I hope everyone starts getting excited to have the eyes of World Football on the Stars and Bars hosting the Men's World Cup. Only 9 years to go.....

 wait waiting patience spanky GIF


Tuesday, October 3, 2017

The Ekaterinburg World Cup Stadium falls short of capacity requirements. Russian ingenuity solves the problem.


When the World Cup was given to Russia, the world of sports did not really know how to react. On one side, you have the ruthless, and I think I mean that quite literally, efficiency of the government to get things done. Legend has it, they needed a 500 room hotel built in two weeks for the Sochi Olympics and it was done with a little light nudging from Moscow. You need a little bit of that when trying to pull off an event of this size. On the other side of Russia hosting the World Cup, the country ran one of the most sophisticated government sponsored doping schemes in the history of sports and they have one the greatest reputations for racism and hooliganism in football. They have senators wanting to codify rules for competitive hooliganism. Real pro's pros. All that thrown aside, this is the most ridiculous stadium designs I have ever seen. In any sport. Ever. This makes sitting behind a pole at Fenway look like the best seat in the house in comparison.



Now I have no idea what @oldLentach is saying here but I am sure it is something similar to "yea this temporary stand should do the business. Safe as could be". Almost half of the capacity of the stadium is on that rack of steel that is sticking out of the arena. Will you get some sort of discount for sitting in the open-air seemingly a mile away from the pitch? You bet your sweet ass you won't. Get your 94,030 rubles and get ready to climb a structure that looks like a modern day Aggrocrag. You climb up the first few rows easily then come the falling hooligans to dodge. Have to stay light on your feet. You zigzag your way to row ЙЙ seat Ю. You did it. Moe is ready to hand you a medal and boom you realize that you forgot the nachos. All of this to watch Australia play Cameroon in the group stages. Then you remember you are over 1,000 miles from Moscow and in a place in which the temperatures can fall to -49 degrees as late as April. 

If you are heading out to Russia this summer, may the fortunes be ever in your favor. 
 

Alex Morgan kicked out of Epcot after an argument in UK bar.


I have not been to DisneyWorld or any of its parks for many a year. From what I remember of the happiest place on earth, the guests are encouraged, nay inspired, to have the said happiest time while within its walls. It's in their corporate slogan for crying out loud. Now Alex was just simply following this old adage to a tee especially in arguably the most boring of the parks, Epcot. If Disney does not want people to drink around the world with their friends then add more rides to the damn park. Mission Earth and Test Track can only get you so far.

Now I've never drank around the world at Epcot because my only trip there was when I was 10 and the fireworks scared the shit out of me. If I had to go back to Epcot, the first thing I am doing is touring the world having my share of absinthe in Switzerland, Saki in Japan, Tequilla in Mexico, and Star beer in Nigeria (shout out Chelsea FC for making me know a Nigerian beers). Now when I make it to the UK bar, I want to make myself at home. A little brexit talk here, a little North London derby there. Sure, that may cause some arguments but sorry for trying to adapt to the culture. Just accept globalism, Disney. Alex, here, was just trying to fit in. If you can't handle a little brush up in a british pub, then Disney just isn't authentic as I believed it to be and that is sad.

Also as the old proverb goes, never throw stones if you live in a glass house. I myself have been asked to leave an amusement park drinking establishment in my day. Sorry, Universal, that I wanted to relax with a nice blue moon at the Margaritaville restaurant bar after a nice day in the park with my friends. Sure, my alleged fake ID said I was 8 years older than I was and was made in the basement of a tattoo shop in NYC. Sure, I had a baby face up that I couldn't shake until I was 25. But making me sneak around through the gift shop entrance into the restaurant just to enjoy a $32 snow crab leg and the island tones of Mr. Jimmy Buffett was just not called for.

So Alex, just like myself, was a victim of the poor park design that is rampant in Orlando. What other option did either of us have. I stand with Alex and will do so until this sort of behavior is weeded out on the banks of the Kissimmee River.

Coolio gets lost in Scotland, ends up at Celtic Park for a match


In what could only be described as serendipity to the nth degree, the poet behind Gangsta's Paradise has found his way to Paradise. In an absolute whirlwind of an interview. Coolio is bouncing around Celtic Park screaming "Hail, Hail" and throwing up crip signs as happy as could be. The world will be eternally grateful to Coolio's friend Tony for introducing him to "the celtics" at god knows what point of his life. I have to think that in this conversation, not a single word was comprehended by either party. Understanding a Glaswegian is one of the most difficult tasks in the world at times. Having a full conversation with this fella about Glasgow Celtic and their self-identified "paradise" of a stadium seems to be a lot to ask out of Coolio in the year of our lord 2017.


How about Coolio still out there grinding on international tours. What a monster of a show that must have been. Don't know if you heard the rundown but Biz Markie? Salt-N-Pepa? Tone Loc? That's a sellout 100 times out of 100. Coolio out here selling out shows and catching the mighty Celts on a lovely Saturday afternoon living his best life. Soccer = the official sport of 90's megastars. Hail Hail.

Atlanta FC sell-out Mercedes Benz Stadium with 70,425 soccer fans. Has soccer finally arrived in the US?



Atlanta FC has sold out a regular season MLS match. Over 70k people. In one stadium. To watch soccer.* WE ARE BACK or WE ARE HERE. In what I thought to be an odd move bringing an MLS club to Atlanta, it seems to be working? Atlanta is notoriously one of the worst professional sporting fanbases in the country with the Braves and Hawks being terribly attended. The Thrashers in the NHL were also a thing for a second or two but they tucked tail quite quickly. But. But. BUT. The sport to make it in Atlanta was the most beautiful of all games? The fastest game on turf with 11 a side, two nets, and a corrupt ref? You bet your sweet ass. Soccer is now here. Officially here. Its taking over the country with a fervor unlikely to be seen again in this world. Atlanta FC are headed to the playoffs in year 1 in the ultimate "If you build it, they will come" moment. You look across the league. New stadia are being built seemingly every year. Attendance has risen year over year. Two new franchises will be announced at the end of the year! Soccer, my dear, friends is here and here to stay.

*The open Chik-fil-a in the stadium may have had something to do with this number. I don't want to fathom a guess at how much but chik-fil-a puts asses in the seats. That's the facts, jack and I would be remiss to not mention it.

Pitch invader halts Barcelona match on the weekend although game was played in a closed stadium


In what can only be described as tense times in the catalan capital, the Barcelona higher ups decided to play this past weekend's match in an eerily empty Camp Nou. Seeing the "Mes que un club" uncovered while Barcelona tik-taka'd all over Las Palmas was as rare of a sight as you'd expect to see in the football world. In protest to the violence of Catalonian independence, we see the key pillar of this proud region joining in on the fight for the protection of their people on this quest for independence. A rare sight of sport and politics combining together and boy did it make for strange bedfellows on the weekend. In the face of all this, the story from the match was not the 3-0 result but more importantly a fan invaded the pitch although ..... there were no fans allowed in the stadium. Like zero. Less than one. A fully closed stadium had a pitch invader.

Someone in the Camp Nou will get fired for this. I mean they have to. To get into one of the country's biggest stadium while the city is on lockdown AND find your way onto the pitch. Takes balls to try and some unprecedented level of incompetence from the stadium staff. I bet Jordi (all guys from Barcelona are named Jordi) was standing guard on the pitch for this game thinking "feet up today boys, no one in the crowd, enjoy the match." We've all had those days walking into to work thinking, boss is out of town, lets go out for a beer or two at lunch. Its a friday in the summer, clients are on vacation. The day we've all dreamt of sitting in the office getting hounded on the daily. Sitting at lunch enjoying a nice IPA watching reruns of the 9 am sportscenter having a burger. Boom the boss walks by. You're fucked. You know you're fucked. You try to hide but you know you got got. That's what happened to our friend Jordi here. Feet up on the sideline watching the blaugrana and his guy Messi do their magic. What a dream. What could be better.

"Can't have a fan on the pitch with no fans in the stadium" he thought boastfully.


Welp Jordi, you just let a fan on the pitch while there were NO FANS in the stadium. It was a good run, bub. You're fucked. Marcelita will not be happy about this one.